Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
