also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
