Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm too high and old for this...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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