I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize