The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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