Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
