i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
