I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
