Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
