I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize