If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I woke up under a house in Key West
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