drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
