I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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