Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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