My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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