don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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