Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
