If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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