Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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