The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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