jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
