remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
