Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Randomize
