Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just want to make out with him forever
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
