well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
