i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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