im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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