I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
someone owes me an orgasm
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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