The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
