so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
