using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
