I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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