I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
