Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
