Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize