oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
