My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
