Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
