she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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