in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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