He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
