I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
