this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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