it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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