I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
