So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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