Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
