I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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