I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize