dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
