shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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