please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
