I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
