I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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