It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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