I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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