Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
