I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize