I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
