dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
