my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
