She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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