Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The feeling are messing with the penis
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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