Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
smell my finger.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
