Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
