found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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