All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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