Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
