You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
