I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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