get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
