My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
