they need to just BURY HIM!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
