Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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