You work out of a Hotel?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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