Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
