when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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