so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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