So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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