Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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