i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
