I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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