He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
