i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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