I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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