Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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