I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
