My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
