we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
