420 ftw
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Randomize
